POLITICALLY CORRECT STATEMENTS FOR THE 21st CENTURY

from mikeysfunnies.com:

~ Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

~ Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

~ You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

~ You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

~ No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

~ You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

~ You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

~ It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

~ The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

~ No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

~ You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

~ These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

~ Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

~ Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

~ You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

~ You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

~ You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

~ You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."