i found out on sunday that somebody whom i trust was not who he is supposed to be. it was a shock to me because i liked that person very much. i still don't know what to do. i can't believe that he does such things. i am so disappointed. now i understand how mel feels about xi. its so unbelievable. Indescribable. it feels horrible.
i want to talk about dying. i think dying is interesting. i wonder what heaven would be like. i know heaven is heaven but what does it mean by heaven. mr boodram says heaven is on earth, i disagree with him. how can heaven be a place on earth if you are not happy with your earth life. maybe his earth life is good. but mine is not. not just because of assignments and test, or even because of bombings or natural disaster. it just doesn't feel right to be here. another difficult feeling to describe. tough.
i always wanted to die early. then i wouldn't have to go through this horrible earth life. after wanting to die early, i thought of who i would want to get my books. after much possibilities i came down to none. at first i thought of my three nieces who loves to read. but all of them do not know how to 'jaga' my books like i do. so they are off my list. then i thought of my friend in secondary school who also likes to read books but she also cannot jaga the books like me. so i am still waiting. i thought of donating it to the church or some home but i know they won't keep my books nicely, so also no can do. i have run out of people.
my cousin thought of a painless way to die. close all the doors and windows in the house. on the gas. take two or three sleeping pills. then because you would be too deep in sleep, you wouldn't feel yourself dying i guess. that is her theory la. but i think that theory is good. its fool proof. i think.
if heaven is nice, wouldn't eveyone wants to die in order to lead a heavenly life?? i told this to my mum but she wouldn't understand, she keep saying 'tai ka lai si'. then i told this idea to some of my church friends, they keep saying it is so silly of me. that God has send me to earth to do something useful with my life and that i should not throw it away just like that. it is not God's will. well, so i thought ok, that is true. so i have been continuing on with my life. i think that is interesting. to live a life.
i should like to exchange a life with somebody else and be that somebody else. not jsut leading the life but also doing what the person would do. not doing what the person wouldn't do. it would be FUN. and interesting. imagine being somebody else. who would you want to be?
i want to talk about dying. i think dying is interesting. i wonder what heaven would be like. i know heaven is heaven but what does it mean by heaven. mr boodram says heaven is on earth, i disagree with him. how can heaven be a place on earth if you are not happy with your earth life. maybe his earth life is good. but mine is not. not just because of assignments and test, or even because of bombings or natural disaster. it just doesn't feel right to be here. another difficult feeling to describe. tough.
i always wanted to die early. then i wouldn't have to go through this horrible earth life. after wanting to die early, i thought of who i would want to get my books. after much possibilities i came down to none. at first i thought of my three nieces who loves to read. but all of them do not know how to 'jaga' my books like i do. so they are off my list. then i thought of my friend in secondary school who also likes to read books but she also cannot jaga the books like me. so i am still waiting. i thought of donating it to the church or some home but i know they won't keep my books nicely, so also no can do. i have run out of people.
my cousin thought of a painless way to die. close all the doors and windows in the house. on the gas. take two or three sleeping pills. then because you would be too deep in sleep, you wouldn't feel yourself dying i guess. that is her theory la. but i think that theory is good. its fool proof. i think.
if heaven is nice, wouldn't eveyone wants to die in order to lead a heavenly life?? i told this to my mum but she wouldn't understand, she keep saying 'tai ka lai si'. then i told this idea to some of my church friends, they keep saying it is so silly of me. that God has send me to earth to do something useful with my life and that i should not throw it away just like that. it is not God's will. well, so i thought ok, that is true. so i have been continuing on with my life. i think that is interesting. to live a life.
i should like to exchange a life with somebody else and be that somebody else. not jsut leading the life but also doing what the person would do. not doing what the person wouldn't do. it would be FUN. and interesting. imagine being somebody else. who would you want to be?
2 comments:
emma emma....wah.....so damn depressing one???! Tak pernah tengok pun...CHILL LA! how can assignments and tests and quizzes make you so damn depressing?
CHILL LA! I am helping you out with your accounts ISU what. If i think you like to talk about dying, and wants someone to agree with you and give you more opinions i think i should recommend you to GOH EU JIN. I think nobody can beat his depressions anyways. Heheh.
Seriously, chill. I know i am in the midst of flunking chem as well. But, i've tried. And i have failed. And i've tried and failed. So, oh well. It's not that i haven't tried. Just that my capability to digest chemical stuff into my brain is just beyond my comprehension. So what can i do? Talk to me about history or psychology and philosopy, i canhandle that.
So see..... there are ups and downs in life. Just like a roller coaster. So chill...and live life gusto! :)
i think i am definitely going to fail my calc or get below 70.
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