Growing Up

I've been surrounded by quite a few deaths in the three weeks starting from 13th November.

First, it was an elder from my church back in M. He was a bit like a grandfather figure to me. His wife taught me English lit for a bit and his daughter was my youth leader who really looked after me. It was expected as he was suffering from cancer so it wasn't as traumatizing.

Then, I found out two Wednesdays later that a dog whom I often dogsit was euthanized that afternoon due to liver cancer.

That same Wednesday, a popular Asian actor passed away from over-exerting himself at a variety show. I haven't watched his shows before but two of my friends mentioned his death and I was waiting for one of his show to be subbed.

The next Thursday morning, I found out one of my high school friend's 4 year old son passed away the morning before from dengue.

That same week, a young boy from the Saturday congregation passed away. I found out a week later that I actually knew him. And that we have actually interacted and that he knows my name.

The following two weeks was not great. I've kinda come to terms with it but with yesterday being daddy's death anniversary, I just wanted to jot it all down lest I forget. It's interesting. Yesterday would have marked the 12 years of my life without daddy. 

I turn 32 today. It seems like such a big number. At times, I still feel like a kid. At times, I just want to grow up and have all the life milestones that my friends are enjoying now. At times, I don't want to my 30s to just be busy with life.

This is the year that I started watching C-dramas and reading translated C-novels. It's exhilarating. Most of them are fluffy, sweet, heart-tingling, brain-less kinda storyline. Which makes for a good change of pace. Still trying to control.

This is the year I started counselling. It's been good. I enjoy it and she does make me think. And also think from God's perspective.

This is the year where I fully did not have a flatmate and am totally enjoying life by myself. 

This is the year where I made new close friends.

This is the year where all my friends have started new milestones in their life.

This is the year where I have felt sadness at my friends continuing on with their life as well as contentment at where my life is at right now. 

This is the year where my family visited me in my home away from home. Where I realised that I can't tahan the closeness for more than two weeks. Says me who is going back for CNY for five weeks.

This is the year where I've spoken up a bit more at work.

This is the year where I've learnt to love myself a bit more. I've lost 6kgs!

This is not the year where I've grown in my relationship with God.

This is the year where I've had lots of part time jobs. Babysitting. Chaufeurring. Dogsitting. Sidekicker-ing.

This is the year where I started volunteering in my community.

Next year is the year where I want to grow more in my relationship with God.

Next year is the year where I will properly attend to my house and garden needs.

My thoughts are all jumbled up. Rabbit thoughts. Just one word.

Thanks.