Dearest daddy,

It has been a long ten years. And yet it also seemed to go by so quickly. We do all miss you. And it would have been great to have had you at brother's wedding. Mother had to do the handshaking and greetings. I tried to be supportive but I really don't like all this socialising.

I'm still working at the church - although I'm going part time coming this new year. I just need the time to stop for a bit. To rest. To actually really look after the house. I've watched quite a few musicals and read quite a bit of books. Am not sure if you'll like having a Kindle or you'll still be filling up the shelves with books. I've ran out of space and will need to get rid of books if I was going to buy more! I haven't been buying physical books for quite a while now. Have been cheap and getting free ones on Kindle. Sometimes splurging though.

I still remember the first phone I've ever owned. Which is the Motorola you got me. A few people were envious. That was a good surprise. I remember the holidays we use to take. Just chilling. The holidays we take now is pretty different. Guess we found out there's more to the world than just the hotels and swimming pools.

You won't know any of the friends I have now. Maybe only a few back in PJ. That's kinda sad. And if I ever get married, you won't know my husband. Brother recently got married and moved away from home. That was a pretty big life changing thing for the Chin family. I think you will like SIL. If you were here, I can see the five of us hanging out together and chilling comfortably.

Mother is all alone now. Well except for Charlie the poodle. She thinks it may have been you two nights ago when she was looking for her eye patch. I wonder if you would do that sort of thing.

I'm not sure what the next ten years will bring. But I'm sure laughter, crying and food will play a part in it. No matter what though, we will always remember you. I miss having another reader in the family. I'm not sure if it's something you passed to me, but I also get up early in the morning. And wake the whole household up when I do. Haha.

Till we meet again. I wonder if we will.

Your favouritest daughter,
Ems

A decade

It has been 10 years. 10. Ten. Sepuluh. Chap. Sei. Shi. Pretty sure all these pinyin are wrong.

It has been ten years since father died. At the beginning, memories just flood in whenever I go into hospitals or watch hospital related shows. Now, I just block it. In that ten years, boy did I wish I could ask daddy for advice. Wondering if he would approve of the choices I've made. Wondering if he would ask me to choose differently.

Watching friends and brother getting married, wondering if I ever will (not too much wondering) and missing the daddy component of walking me down the aisle. I think when I first realised that, that hit me the hardest.

I had all sorts of plans for this ten years post. Obviously, things never go as plan.

Lots of things have had happened in the past ten years. Beginning with the most recent life changing thing, brother got married and moved to Singapore. There's also a dog in the house now. En is no longer in the house. Mother looks after babies and children now. My room is no longer my room. I've bought a house in Christchurch. Our PJ house has also gone through some changes. So did the town I used to live in.

I've discovered I'm definitely not an immaculate housekeeper like mother. Don't think brother will live up to that standard too. Haha. I really do enjoy working with the children and at the church. I do realise that I've been filling my time up with every single thing that I just need the time to rest now.

Popo

My paternal grandmother passed away on Wednesday 11th July 2012. Midnight ish. Brother called me on Thursday to let me know. It was the same day that Joey & gang arrived in Chch.

God is so interesting. I am not sure but I think this was what happened. My eyes have been twitching really really badly the past week especially during oscar week which was the week before. And on Thursday morning, I was just thinking about father and tears came out. This was in the middle of the night. Which could be around the time popo died.

I am kind of sad and happy about it. Sad cause I won't see her anymore plus that means I have no "alive" grandparents. Which blows. Happy because she is in heaven with God and I will get to see her at the end of my life.

See you in heaven, popo! =)

Bye-bye!

I remember playing congkak and beating Uncle Bernard in it one Thursday morning. I remembered it was a Thursday cause we had to continue our game outside as the once-a-week housekeeper was cleaning the house.

Uncle Bernard had the look of disbelief when I won. And I was in Cloud Nine. I just beat my uncle who was way older and smarter than high school me.

Bye Uncle Bernard!

28th Aug 1942 - 20th June 2011

Summer

At first I thought I should do a new "About Me" page but after writing this, I just want it to be another post.

I had an unexpected summer. I worked at Alliance Bank for about a month until the day before my birthday for which an unexpected circumstances happened.

You see, my father was scheduled to undergo surgery - angioplasty if I'm not mistaken. That was on a Tuesday morning. Everything went all right in the surgery except for the fact that his heart stopped once. He was meant to be back the next morning.

I was at home that night after vomiting and diarrhoea-ing at work instead of going out with Yan Ling as planned. My dad called that night telling my mum he's experiencing heart pain and asked her to go to the hospital quickly. My brother and I followed my mum to the hospital not knowing what lay ahead of us.

When we reached the hospital it was around 7.30pm. Just as we reached the elevators, code blue was announced and my mum suspected it was because of my dad. Soon, we realised it was true. We were standing around, waiting for an hour before they told us the news.

"To lose one parent is a tragedy, To lose both parents is just plain carelessness"

- Oscar Wilde in the Importance Of Being Earnest

The funeral was set for Thursday. It was a good service except for one part where I think my family was embarassed about. Even a friend from NZ came. And a friend from school and college. Many people came to pay their respects. I was very proud of my dad and what he did with 48 years of his life.

I came back to NZ to finish my studies which will take an extra year. I've learnt alot this year. About deaths. Friendships. BGR. Church. Faith. Christianity.

My brother finishes his last year of high school this year. After that, he will be going for Residential Bible School and National Service. My mum is still busy babysitting my niece and keeping herself occupied while learning new stuff like going online.

This whole post just sounds surreal.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

We never really did celebrate your birthday as you always said you don't want any celebrations. But you were quite funny about it one time when we didn't actually bothered to do anything and you complained.

You should be forty-nine years old now. Just one more year to go before you reach your mid-life crisis. It has been a hard time for all of us. Especially for mummy and the two of us. And to top it up, it was the night before my birthday. Not that you could could chose when.

The picture above was taken in year 2006 when we took En out to her sort of birthday dinner. It was after that that you claimed she became closer to you because you showed her what fine dining was. Everybody was scoffing at that idea nevertheless there was some truth there.
That was all two years ago. Time seems to pass by so fast.
That was during my birthday in 2006. My first summer back home. It is the earliest 'family potrait' that I've got. Life in New Zealand has been the same old same old. Trying very hard to keep with my studies and trying not very hard to lose some weight.Do you know that En did actually wore the dress that you bought for her? I know we said she didn't and you were quite upset. Haha. I do hope that now you know she did wear it.

I wonder how much has PJ changed in this six months. Not too much I hope. I do pray that you are all right where ever you are.

Your sincerely,
Your daughter

Deaths.

So far, there have been five deaths in my family in just this 12 months period. There was my three uncles (who was married to my mother's sisters), then my dad, and just recently my aunty (my mother's sister).

So far, I only have one 'uncle-in-law' left. The wife of this uncle-in-law passed away of 3rd stage cancer last Saturday. I only found out on Monday afternoon. Technically my brother sent me an offline message on MSN on Sunday night but I only switch on my laptop on Monday afternoon.

The funeral is today (Wednesday). Everybody (okay not everybody) is in Taiping. Quite coincidentally it coincides with the school holidays. My mum and gang are coming back today so I might give her a call. But its always hard to find the time to call. Every time I want to call, I'm either very tired to wait or my mum is not at home.

And I got news that a church friend's mother is in ICU. I feel so numb now that I've gone through so many funerals. Not that I went for the three uncles or my aunt. But I was in Malaysia when two deaths happened.

When my uncle passed away in January, it was interesting. My mum was sort of scolding the person who called so early (at 7am!!) because it was a Saturday. After she finished talking, she started calling her niece in JB who will then inform the people in Singapore. Of course she told me first but by then I already guessed judging by her conversation on the phone. I wasn't eavesdropping! We sleep in the same room and she was disturbing my sleep as well, what can I do?

Then my mum continued calling the people in PJ area. Interesting how news pass around so fast. Imagine if we don't have telephones? What in the world would we do. And all this happen like the week after everybody went back to their own places (eg Taiping & Singapore). So for that period of one month or so, I actually saw more of my Taiping aunt than I would normally would.

My mum kept changing her mind to make pineapple tarts. Her mother-in-law kept calling to say that she "can't" make any biscuits. Some Chinese 'pantang'. So my mum was indecisive during that whole CNY period. At first she didn't want to. But because she wanted to eat for herself, she thought she would make one packet. However, she changed her mind again because she was lazy. It went for one more round before she actually decided not to make it.

I wonder did she make it after I came back to NZ?

some pictures to entertain you..

en + caitlin
isn't that cute? i'm referring to en not you cait! :P

caitlin + emma
i know.. both of us look so cute

en + emma
we both have the same type of pillowcases =)

Dictionary
uncle-in-law - the men who are/were married to my mother's sister
pantang - Chinese belief
CNY - Chinese New Year

just turned twenty and lost a father

Just to tell enlightened you guys.

My father passed away yesterday (Dec 18th) at around 8.30pm (Malaysian time).

He had an angioplasty in the morning and he nearly died when his heart stop but they managed to bring him back. Later in the evening he called home to say he wasn't feeling that good and he wants my mum to go over. When we reached there, they were just calling for 'code blue' which is when a patient has an heart attack. They tried resuscitating him for an hour with no luck.

EDITED:
My father was just 48 years old.